Mutual Obsession
by Dem0nFl0wer
Summary: Duo's departure leads the other pilots to contemplate what the braided boy really meant to them.
1. Prologue: Duo

Mutual Obsession

Mutual Obsession  
Prologue

Even now, I find myself at a loss as to how to relate myself with the other gundam pilots. I don't think we're friends exactly...but what then? Comrades? Peers? Roommates? We barely ever saw each other during the war. Missions were, for the most part, solo operations. There was little communication between all of us. When we did come together, it was because of outside forces- first fate, and then Lucrezia Noin and Sally Po. I know a lot of the citizens imagine that the gundam pilots were a fairly united force, a small organization hiding out from big, bad Oz in our safe houses, taking missions a la James Bond. Really, I probably spent a few days total with Heero Yuy during the war, even less with Trowa Barton and Chang Wufei. I spent the most time with Quatre Winner, hiding from Oz after Heero actually self-destructed. Jackass. It was a good idea to make Quatre the de facto leader later when we did, briefly, work together. I think Quatre spent the most time with each of us. He obviously had some kind of bond with Trowa, and I know he spent time with Heero in Sanct. In a way, he united us. But after the war, we parted ways, still strangers to each other. It wasn't until Dekim Barton resurfaced a year later that we saw each other again, this time working as a team from the start. And when that was over, it seemed...right, I guess, for us to move in with one another. I...I'd like to think that we were all friends. I haven't had any of those in a long time.  
  
I like to think that I know them. At least on some level. Quatre, I know, likes Jasmine tea when he wakes up in the morning, and chrysanthemum right before he goes to sleep. I use to resent Quatre. He never wanted from things like love, shelter, or food, and yet he still found things in his life to complain about. So what if he wasn't born naturally...at least he was born into a family that cared about him. And Quatre's cheerfulness, unlike mine, isn't just a mask. But I'm grateful to Quatre, since he's the only one of the four that really bothered to treat me like a friend. And even then, I can still hear the condescending tones in his voice, and I can't help but think that to him I'm just the street kid he's obligated to pity. Before we bought this house, we stayed at one of his estates. He probably didn't think I would notice that my room was the only one without anything valuable in it, or that Rashid secretly snuck into my room and checked my luggage before we all left. I don't mind, though...not really.  
  
Wufei...I know the least about. I know he doesn't trust me. I've seen him, sitting with Quatre in the backyard, or walking with Heero in the park, deep in conversation. We've never exchanged more than five sentences. And sometimes, when all five of us are talking, some one says something and they all have this meaningful silence. I know it has something to do with Wufei, but until he lets me in on his secrets, I'll be out of the loop. And he doesn't seem to be warming up to me any time soon.  
  
Trowa tends to ignore me, but that's fine because he tends to ignore most people. I know he values Quatre, certainly as a friend, and maybe as something more. Right now, though, their relationship is strictly platonic. I know he respects Heero a great deal, I think at one point he wanted to be exactly like him. As to his feelings toward me...well, I don't know. I talk to him, rambling on about everything and nothing, while he eats breakfast or watches tv. I'm sure he's not listening, but at least he's not constantly telling me to shut up.  
  
Which brings me to Heero, who I am currently rooming with. I thought that I knew Heero the most. I thought that I was really getting good at reading his expressions, and I thought I was getting him to open up a little. But today, I was looking for the others, to tell them to come to lunch. I opened the library door a little, but stopped as I stared at the sight inside. Heero Yuy was laughing. Actually laughing, with Trowa. Trowa...had gotten him to laugh. In all my time with Heero, I think he smiled at me maybe once or twice. And even those times I'm not too sure about. I mumbled something about lunch and closed the door, making my way back to the kitchen. So maybe I didn't know Heero all that well after all. And later on that day, we were doing our homework in our room when my pencil broke. I walked over and opened my mouth to ask him if he had another pencil when he beat me to the chase, not even looking up from his laptop.  
  
"Can't you ever keep quiet?"  
  
I closed my mouth.   
  
So now, I've just decided to go back to L2. It's obvious the guys don't need, or even want, me here, and I doubt I'm benefiting from this arrangement any more than they are. I was packing up my things when Heero came in. I was contemplating the rather sad fact that all my earthly possessions fit into one medium sized suitcase when his voice interrupted my thoughts.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
It's strange, how he asks a question like that without sounding the least bit curious.  
  
"Home."  
  
"This is our home."  
  
"Saa, Heero, this isn't really working out for me. I mean, the whole going to school for one thing...we were gundam pilots, doesn't it seem kind of anti-climactic to go back to school after saving the world? I was never one for formal education anyw..."  
  
"So you're going back to L2."  
  
I nod, grinning. "Yeah. The scavenging's business dried up, but one of the sweepers has a car garage there now."  
  
"You're going to be a mechanic."  
  
"You're one for stating the obvious today, ne?" When he doesn't answer I lock my suitcase and sigh. "And anyway, I think I'd be more comfortable living by myself. Claustrophobia, agorophobia, whatever, and besides you guys don't really want me here."  
  
"We don't want you here?"  
  
I pick up my things and make my way to the door, smiling softly at him. "Yeah, you don't have to act like it's not true. It won't hurt my feelings. I was kind of hoping we could all be a kind of family...I never really had one of those. But things just didn't work out."  
  
I held out my hand, so we could shake one last time, and wasn't surprised when he didn't take it.   
  
"Well, then..." I lowered my hand and grasped the door knob instead. "Ja ne, Heero."  
  
And I left.  
  



	2. Ch.1: Quatre

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thank you every one for the feedback! i had no idea this fic would be so popular. i've written more, so if you'd like for me to post it review : )  
  


Mutual Obsession  


by [Dem0nfl0wer][1]  


  
Part 1: Quatre  
  
I was in the kitchen with Trowa when I first noticed, even though I didn't pay attention at the time. Trowa was forever helping me around the house. The other pilots think I'm blind, that I don't know why he does it, but I do. Trowa Barton has a crush on me. I'd be a fool not to notice. It's something of a mutual obsession, not really a conventional relationship, not yet, but a connection nonetheless. I like him too. So we flit around each other, neither one saying anything, and it's working for now. It's sweet, I think, this pre-relationship stage.  
  
So we were unpacking groceries, stacking cans of pineapple chunks (mine) and Spaghettios (Heero's) in the pantry when there was a muted noise in the background. Some kind of rumbling.  
  
I lifted my head, looking up at Trowa. "Did you hear something?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh. Okay." And with that I started unpacking the cereal.  
  
* * *  
  
I bought this house for the five of us, since I was the only one with any substantial amount of money. I thought it would be good for us to live together, not just because we could relate to one another, but also for a strategic reason. The more united we were, the easier it will be to fight together again if the peace is ever threatened. I may have been sheltered all my life, but I'm not naïve. You don't come out of the front lines of a war without learning a thing or two, and I was probably the best tactician out of the five of us.   
  
Of course, I asked Trowa first. He was the first pilot I had met during the war, the one I connected to the most. He was like some kind of puzzle- silent, graceful, mysterious. I wanted to figure him out. By the end of our fight with Oz we had developed our…understanding, I guess you could call it. At any rate, we were looking out for each other, and he was the one taking care of me when Dorothy misguidedly hurt me in that final fencing match. We kept in contact between then and the time Mariemeia showed up, calling and what not, him traveling in the circus and me heading my late father's company. During the short fight against Dekim we didn't have much interaction with one another, to my eternal disappointment. When I approached him afterwards about the living arrangements he immediately said yes. It made me happy.  
  
Wufei I asked next. I had to go talk to him about his gundam, anyway. He hadn't blown it up the first time and we needed to know that he would this time. He told me he would take care of it himself, and I asked him if he'd be interested if living with all of us. He was hesitant, at first. He had always been the solitary one, not really connecting with any of the pilots during the war. But then he had nowhere to go, his family and clan gone, and maybe he felt it was time for him to start a new one. So he decided to come. Later on he opened up to us, telling us about Meiran, his late wife, and his elders on L5. I respect him for coping with everything that's happened to him. He's noble, Wufei, and vastly stronger than I am.   
  
Duo was in charge of blowing up the gundams with me, so I approached him next. Oddly, he was the most reluctant to acquiesce to the plan. He said he had his salvage yard to take care of, that he had his friends. I scoffed internally as he mentioned friends, knowing he meant the girl that had given us the information on Libra, and maybe some other less favorable types he had scrounged up on L2. I like Duo, I do, he's nice as long as you don't get him angry, and our time together in the desert showed me that he was smart as well. But we all know what kind of people come out of L2. At any rate, I eventually convinced him to go along with my plan.  
  
Heero was easy. I found him in the hospital, still unconscious. He had fallen after he 'killed' Mariemeia, the stress of everything that had been going on catching up with him. Relena had bought him in, and I sat patiently by his bedside. Knowing Heero, he wouldn't be out much longer. And he wasn't. I remember he blinked uncharacteristically fuzzy eyes at me, raspy syllables falling out of his lips. I could have sworn he had said Duo. He focused in only a few seconds, asking me what I wanted. I could see the gears turning in his head even as I suggested the idea, and when I was done he merely nodded. He realized the strategic benefit of us living together.  
  
I thought it was a good arrangement. Trowa and I spent a lot of time together, and I really got to know Wufei. Heero and Duo, though, both remained in their own distant worlds. As social as Duo acted, I realized I didn't know that much about him, not any more than I knew about Heero.  
  
I found out soon after loading the groceries. Trowa had left the kitchen, probably off to read his newspaper. I needed to make a minor repair on the motorcycle and made my way out to the garage, only to find the thing gone. That in itself wasn't unusual, since any one of the other pilots could have taken it, and I had heard that rumbling earlier. I decided to go see if the any of the others knew who had taken it, and when he would be back, so I knew when I could start working on it. I made my way upstairs, thinking that the bedrooms were the most logical place for the others to be. Duo and Heero's bedroom was the closest to the stairwell so headed there first. Opening the door, I was surprised to find Heero sitting on Duo's bed, the room devoid of any of other boy's possessions.   
  
"Heero?"  
  
He looked up at me, face blank as always.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Duo left."   
  
I looked around the room. That much was obvious, I was just wondering why he had been sitting there. Then it hit me. "He stole the motorcycle?"  
  
Something dangerous flashed through Heero's eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. "It's as much his motorcycle as it is ours. We bought it with Oz's money."  
  
I raised an eyebrow at Heero, but didn't comment. Instead I made a note to make sure Duo hadn't stolen anything else. Duo leaving wasn't that big a loss, especially if he were heading where I thought he was. Back to his salvage yard. It would be easy to find him, if we ever needed him again. I turned and left, leaving Heero to muse over whatever he was musing over. Strange guy.  
  
The next few days passed as they normally would. It was interesting in a way, what all of us were doing now. The new government was paying for us all to go to school, lead normal lives. Or at least, as close to normal as we could get. Their psychologists had recommended it. I declined the offer, having been tutored in everything I needed to know to manage Winner Enterprises. Trowa also said no. He had quit the circus when he had come to live here, and had managed to get a job nearby as part of a performance group. Wufei and Heero, on the other hand, had immersed themselves in their studies, Wufei doing work with the Preventers on the side. Heero, who had probably planned on disappearing from the world if I hadn't proposed living together, was probably trying to assimilate into the crowd. And boys our age did, after all, usually go to school.   
  
After a few days, it was as if Duo hadn't ever lived with us.   
  
It was a week before any one said anything to me about Duo's departure. Trowa and I were playing a silent game of scrabble in the kitchen when Wufei came in, fumbling around in the refrigerator for a drink.  
  
"Is something wrong?" It was Trowa, ever observant and analytical. I looked up from where I was trying to make sense of the random letters in front of me, realizing that Wufei did look somewhat distraught, and maybe even a little remorseful. Overall though, he looked angry, but at what I didn't know. He stared at us for a little, contemplative, taking a gulp of water before he spoke.  
  
"I made a grave error in judgment."  
  
Before I could ask him what he meant he left the room, and I turned to face Trowa again. "What do you think he was talking about?"  
  
Trowa shrugged, but his voice was sure. "Maybe Duo."  
  
I snort. What kind of misjudgment could you possibly make about Duo? The boy was easy enough to read, given his background. "Do you think he misses him?"  
  
Trowa didn't answer, instead playing out his next move. This is how we interacted, though, me talking and him listening, and I didn't mind his silence.  
  
"It's probably better this way. Really, Duo didn't fit in here with us, what with his character being what it was and all."  
  
"What about his character?"   
  
I turned around at the voice, coming face to face with Heero. I hadn't even realized he had come in. He was currently staring at me, almost riveted to what my next words would be. I wondered briefly if he didn't know about Duo. "He's from L2."  
  
"So what?"  
  
I know I must be looking at him like he's stupid right now, but I can't help it. Fine, if he wants me to explain it to him, I will. My next words are succinct, obvious, spoken slowly and stated matter-of-factly. "L2 incubates thieves and whores. If Duo's not one he's the other, and most likely he's both."   
  
As soon as the words were out of my mouth Heero rushed at me, and I heard a sickening crack as his fist flew into my face. The impact jolted me out of the chair and onto the floor, only to have Heero lift me up and push me against the wall. My head throbbed at the sudden contact, and I raised a shaking arm up to my face. Blood.   
  
"Duo is not a thief or a whore. Not anymore." He pulls me off and bangs me against the wall again for emphasis, and I manage to crack open an eye. Allah, he looks furious. "And even if he was, he was just doing what he needed to survive. At least he's not a spoiled, selfish brat."  
  
It hurts where he's grabbing me, it hurts every where actually, and I'm dimly aware as his body is pushed away from mine. I crumple onto the floor as I hear the sound of a small collision, looking over at him as I regain my bearings. Trowa had pushed him, then Trowa had punched him, his eyes tearing up with the impact. It would probably be black and blue tomorrow. Serves the bastard right.  
  
"That's enough." It's Trowa who speaks, crossing his arms and standing in between the two of us. "Now leave Quatre alone."  
  
Heero pushed himself off of the floor, looking at us in disgust, before he made his way out of the kitchen. Wufei came running in a second later, no doubt staring in shock at the mess I'm in. He didn't ask about it, though, he only watched as Trowa helped me up.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah." I wipe off the blood coming out of my nose. "I'm fine."  
  


~tbc~  


  
also new this upload:  
[Domesticating Duo part Four][2]  
Unbearable Lightness of Being  
[Foray into Darkness reformatted][3]  
  
  


   [1]: http://www9.ewebcity.com/dem0nfl0wer
   [2]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=342936
   [3]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=356857



	3. Ch.2: Wufei

Mutual Obsession   
  
Mutual Obsession  
Part Two: Wufei  
  
I was a scholar before I became a warrior. I immersed myself in the books my tutors brought me, listened intently to their lectures. All I wanted to be was a scholar, learning everything there was to learn in this universe. And then the war came into my life, and I realized I knew nothing. Meiran died in my arms, and I left to go fight in her stead. My life as Chang Wufei, scholar, was over. I was reborn as a warrior.  
  
I met the others at New Edwards. Their intelligence was sadly misinformed, a mistake that would cost Heero the lives of the Alliance's peace advocates. I didn't blame him, though. He had done what he thought he had to, and even through his horrified shock at the turn of events he managed to save us all that night. I couldn't believe he had managed to deactivate the missiles Treize Krushenada had left in his departure, but then…Heero Yuy would do a lot of things I didn't think possible through out the war. I left that night to duel Krushenada, Duo, Quatre, and Trowa following. My impressions of each of them begin at New Edwards, even though I didn't know their names.  
  
Heero was strong, much stronger than I would ever be. He gave his life to the war, and I respected him for that sacrifice. I always wanted to fight against him, to see if I matched his greatness, and I got the chance with Mariemeia. But even then, I don't think he was fighting at his full potential.   
  
I respected Quatre a great deal as well. He was the innocent as far as I could tell, the blood of others never touching him. He was kind, intelligent, a master tactician in battle as well as in business.  
  
Trowa was my first companion during the war, the one who took care of me after I lost the duel with Treize. He was the observer, always analyzing, forever the chameleon. I admired his skills, just as much as I admired those of Heero and Quatre.  
  
But Duo. Duo was an affront to me as a gundam pilot. It's true I didn't spend much time with the other boy during the war. There was the brief meeting at New Edwards, then the time we spent together in Oz's prison cell, and finally during the last days on Peacemillion. From what I saw, though, he was unfocused. He was a jokester, and I doubted he even knew what he was fighting for. I wondered how some one could have chosen him to become a gundam pilot, how some one could possibly have entrusted him with the colonies' freedom. My opinion of him was only reinforced when he was captured at least once during both wars. Careless. When Quatre propositioned me to come live with them, I decided that I would just avoid Duo. He would live his life and I would live mine, even if we were both under the same roof.  
  
Living with the others, I busied myself with school and the Preventers. I enjoyed being able to read through the books of my youth, learning even more things through it. And I enjoyed being able to do all that with Heero, who I more often than not found myself in classes with. Duo was enlisted in the school as well, but he was usually occupied with the adoring fan club that followed him nearly everywhere. Heero and I, we were there for serious matters, studying advanced physics and literature. I never even saw Duo crack open a book.  
  
Heero and I often had lunch together, and we were doing so now. The school's cafeteria opened into a beautiful courtyard, and we were enjoying the shade of a eucalyptus tree during the last few minutes of our break. I had noticed something off about Heero lately. He seemed withdrawn, even for him. Last night I had gone into his room to ask about a homework assignment, and he hadn't noticed me standing at the door. His back was to me, and he was seated at his laptop, fingers hovering over the keyboard. But he wasn't typing. I watched him, sitting in the same position, for ten minutes before deciding to leave. I decided to ask him about it now.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
No answer, but then I didn't expect one. Heero Yuy was not known for his verbosity.   
  
"You can always trust me to listen, Heero." I try to reassure him, so that if he ever does want to talk to some one he knows I'm here. The thought of listening, coupled with my earlier contemplations, reminds me of Duo. "Not like that noisy Maxwell. Where is he, any way? His fan club doesn't seem to be around."  
  
Heero gives me an unreadable expression, then, and I look back at him, confused.  
  
"Duo moved out four days ago."  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
It unnerved me at first that I didn't realize that Maxwell had gone. As a soldier I was supposed to be aware of my environment. But then I realized it didn't matter, at least the idiot was out of my life for awhile. Heero's behavior, however, continued. Three days after initially breeching the subject I found him in his room, doing the math homework we had due Monday. At his nod I sat down on his bed, unsure of how to bring the subject up. He was being silent, and I could tell he wasn't really concentrating on formulas and postulates, since he was idly tapping his pencil on the desk.  
  
"A penny for your thoughts, Heero."  
  
I nearly thought he wasn't going to answer, but after a few moments his voice came through the room. "I was just remembering the war."  
  
I nod. "The war haunts all of us, really. It's a commendable thing we did, though sometimes I wonder how some of us came into the position of having to save the world."   
  
I know I said the last part of that disdainfully, and he stops tapping his pencil, though he still doesn't look at me. "Who are you alluding to?"  
  
I snort. "Who else? Maxwell. I can't believe he became a pilot in the first place, let alone survive the war, what with his loud personality and long hair. He doesn't take anything seriously."  
  
Heero hasn't resumed his tapping, and I wonder if I offended him somehow. I didn't think he had been particularly close with Maxwell, but I could be wrong. "Wufei, you've told me a lot about your past, but I don't think I've ever told you about mine."  
  
I nodded, interested. Maybe this is what had been bothering him. He leans back in his chair and lets go of the pencil, preparing to tell the story.  
  
"I was an orphan since before I can remember. Maybe my parents were killed in the war, or maybe they just didn't want me. I don't know. I grew up on the streets, nameless, alone, until I was about five. That was when Solo found me. He was my first friend. He took me into his gang, took care of me. He was my first family. I learned a lot living with him; I learned how to survive. A few years later a plague swept through the colony. It eventually killed off a quarter of the population. Oz was developing only so many cures, and only the rich could afford them. I watched as my friends, my family, died off. Children younger than I was were killed in the passing of just one night. I had to do something about it, so I broke into the Oz labs. I stole a carton of the cure, and ran back to my friends. I managed to treat several children, but when I found Solo it was obvious that it was too late. I gave him a vial any way, but it was no use. He died in my arms that day. I didn't take the medication, but somehow I survived the plague. I was immune. I was alone again."  
  
My fists clenched in anger, outraged at Oz, even as my respect for Heero grew. It was a lot to go through, I could imagine, and made me ashamed of my sheltered life. The fact that he broke into an Oz facility spoke volumes of his determination and skills. It's true we did it as gundam pilots, but that was with years of training, and here Heero had managed to break into one when he was just a child. The fact that he survived the plague didn't surprise me. Heero Yuy was a survivor.  
  
"I was taken in by a church next. It was run be a kindly priest and a nun. They took in a lot of orphans, even if their funding didn't allow it. They made a way. They gave me a cot, the softest thing I had ever slept on. And I was never starving, when I lived with them. The Father was a pacifist, and one day a group of soldiers came to the church. The Father asked them to leave, and they said they would do so if I could steal them a mobile suit, an impossible task given my age and Oz's security. But I did it."  
  
"You stole a mobile suit from Oz?" I can hear the admiration and wonder in my voice as I interrupt him, and I reprimand myself. This is Heero we're talking about.  
  
He nodded. "But it was too late. When I came back the church was burned down. Every one was dead. Every one I ever loved had left me, one way or another. A little later on I got a job with the Sweepers in space. They had contacts with Professor G, the man who ended up as my doctor, and I managed to sneak onto his ship. I'd gotten pretty good at breaking into places by then. My stealth skills are probably far above any of yours. But they found me, in the cargo hold. Instead of throwing me into space they let me stay on. Professor G trained me, and when the original Operation Meteor was deemed unacceptable, he told me to steal Wing Zero. And I did."  
  
He pauses in his story even as I hang onto every word, amazed at all he had gone through.  
  
"I fight so that others don't have to. I fight so that the colonies can be free. But most of all, I fight so that no one else will have to go through what I did, so no one else will have to live my life."  
  
"I…I never knew, Heero. I didn't know you had gone through so much." My respect for him had grown to leaps and bounds now, hearing all he had to go through in order to be where he is today. But he wasn't finished yet.  
  
"It's only through all the death and suffering I've seen that I remember how precious life really is. That's why I smile, to remember life, and help others do so as well."  
  
I blinked, then, realizing something was wrong with this conversation. "Smile?"  
  
He turned to look at me then, eyes gauging my reaction. "It's not my story, it's Duo's."  
  
I laugh a little. "Duo? Duo Maxwell? He couldn't have done all that."  
  
"He could, and he did. His name was taken to remember the ones he loved. Duo, because Solo will always be with him, and Maxwell, after the Father."  
  
I didn't know. I tried to resolved my image of Duo with the story Heero had just told me, and I realized I had underestimated the other boy. It's true, I never got to know him, I never even gave him a chance. I had made assumptions I had no right making. "I'm going to go get something to drink."  
  
I stumbled out into the kitchen, still a little bit confused, and not a little guilty. Trowa asked me how I was, since I guess I didn't look myself, and I mumbled a reply. Had Duo left because of me? I made my way outside, thinking about the whole situation. When I got back Quatre was sprawled on the floor, his face beaten and bloody, Trowa hovering above him protectively. I didn't ask.  
  
Later on, we had settled into a kind of awkward silence. We were eating dinner- Trowa, Quatre, and I. Heero hadn't been joining us lately, for reasons he still hadn't divulged. Quatre was cleaned up and uncharacteristically silent; I guess the events from before had him somewhat angry. We could here noises coming from upstairs, attributing the sounds to Heero moving around. Then there was silence, and the sound of footsteps padding down the stairs. We watched as Heero matched past the open kitchen door, a bag in his hand, and it was obvious he was going somewhere. After a few surreptitious glances around the table Trowa got up to see what was going on. Quatre and I waited awhile, listening to the muffled conversation coming from the other room, and finally the sound of a door opening and closing. Trowa came back into the kitchen then, rejoining us at the table and picking up his bowl of rice as he explained.  
  
"He's going to talk to Duo."   
  
Visit my Site  



	4. Ch.3: Heero

Mutual Obsession   
  
Mutual Obsession  
Part Three: Heero  
  
I met him when I botched my first mission. I hadn't even entered the Earth's atmosphere correctly, leaving Wing somewhere on the ocean's floor. Oz had sent out suits to find it; the whole thing was a mess. Duo was the one the doctors sent to clean it up. When he found out what all the commotion was about he decided to keep Wing for his own use, and it was during his retrieval of the thing that he came into my acquaintance. He shot me. Twice.  
  
I woke up in a hospital room, he helped me escape, and I stole parts of his gundam to go on my next mission. The whole thing was forgotten. Except, of course, I contacted Doctor J for information about the pilot of Deathscythe. It was always good to know about the people you would be fighting with, or against. I learned about how Professor G found him in the cargo hold of his ship, how he had been trained and given permission to steal Deathscythe. Duo Maxwell, from L2 colony, particularly skilled with stealth, theft, lockpicks, and knives. His statistics indicated a greater intellect than he had let on during our encounter, and I realized that his joyful exterior was probably just a cover up. A mask.   
  
I saw him again several times after that, most noticeably during New Edwards. The transport I had stolen alerted me to an intruder in the freight compartment, and thinking back I think he had intentionally tripped the alarm. Our trip to New Edwards was where I think it began, my fascination for the longhaired boy, though I didn't know it yet. He had been happy with the thought that he might be returning to space soon, and I think genuinely so. After he expressed his sentiments he just looked ahead of him, into the sky, towards the colonies. I watched him. He seemed so unguarded, and I knew it wasn't his mask talking just then. I thought…maybe it would be nice, to get to know Duo Maxwell, the real Duo Maxwell. But I didn't say anything, and that was the most he opened up to me during the war.  
  
After we had returned to outer space, I received orders to go to L2. It was an inconsequential mission, just something trivial the doctors wanted done in between more serious objectives. It would take me a few hours at the most, but I would be staying there two days. I was walking to a motel when something caught my eye. I was walking past a cleared area of land. It was strange, nestled between shops and houses, and it looked as if something had once stood there years ago. Given the L2 government's lack of funds, it wasn't surprising that nothing had been built to take its place. But there was a sort of plaque near the sidewalk, half broken and covered with decaying grass. The letters on it caught my eye, and I leaned down to make out the remaining words.  
  
_Maxwell Church of Catholicism  
Church and Orphanage_  
  
Maxwell. It reminded me of Duo. But I'm sure, there were a lot of Maxwell's running around L2. But still. That night, in the motel, I searched for things on the church, coming up with the Maxwell Church massacre. Apparently, Oz had burned down the church after accusing it of housing rebels that had stolen a mobile suit. I hacked into Oz records, though, and something didn't add up. The rebels couldn't have stolen the suit, not the way I figured it must have been taken. They would have needed some one small, some one dexterous, and skills in stealth would be a plus as well. I even managed to get the name of the sole survivor of the massacre: Duo. Just Duo, no last name.  
  
The next day I was back at the church site, just looking. There was a boy there, a few years my junior, probably living on the streets. He saw me looking, and told me a story about an orphan who had lived in the church. He told me the story of the plague.  
  
So I had learned part of Duo Maxwell's story, albeit backwards, and only later on did it strike me. Why had I bothered?  
  
And then he was caught, and I decided I needed to get rid of him before he let any secrets slip out to Oz. And I couldn't.  
  
I realized then, that I was fixated on the boy. I didn't know why. Maybe it was the way he had survived through so much, some kind of perverse type of respect. But then I realized it had started before that, and I had no real explanation for it, other than the fact that I wanted to know more about him. It was an obsession. Then I thought back. I remembered how he rescued me from the hospital, how he had given me that one genuine moment on the way to New Edwards, how he had found me at the school I had infiltrated, and finally, I remembered what he had said to me when I went to kill him. _ It was my destiny to be killed by you_. And I thought, maybe, it was a mutual obsession. We never said anything during the war, but I thought maybe it was one of those things we would leave unsaid. Akin to Quatre and Trowa's relationship, maybe, and I never doubted that we shared a similar type of connection.  
  
But after the war was over, he went back to his salvage yard. I didn't see him again until Mariemeia showed up. When I woke up in the hospital that time, after defeating Dekim, I had half expected Duo to be there waiting for me. I breathed his name, but when I had completely regained consciousness, it was Quatre who was awaiting me. He wanted us all to live together. He explained his reasons, told me how Trowa, Wufei, and Duo had already agreed. Duo had agreed. I said yes.  
  
So we went through our daily routines, acting towards each other exactly like we had been towards the beginning of the war. We went to school, we went grocery shopping, we did all those things normal kids our age did. And then, out of nowhere, he decided to leave.  
  
"…besides, you guys don't really want me here."  
  
"We don't want you here?" I was somewhat confused at the turn of events, confused as to why he would want to leave.  
  
He smiles, sadly, as he brushes past me. "Yeah, you don't have to act like it's not true. It won't hurt my feelings. I was kind of hoping we could all be a kind of family...I never really had one of those. But things just didn't work out."   
  
He holds up his hand, expecting me to shake it, but how could I? He was leaving me. I sat down on his bed after he leaves, angry at him, hurt more than I thought was possible. He had just left me. I thought we had an understanding.  
  
Quatre came in a little after Duo left, asking me about the braided boy.  
  
"He stole the motorcycle?"  
  
I almost snapped at Quatre's words, angry at what he was accusing Duo of, but I let it slide. It was the first indication I had of why Duo had left. The second was a few days later, when I was eating lunch with Wufei. I know I hadn't been acting myself, and Wufei had no doubt noticed, and I thought he was smart enough to put two and two together and link Duo's departure with my behavior. But then he inquired about the missing boy's whereabouts.  
  
"…Maxwell. Where is he, any way? His fan club doesn't seem to be around."  
  
I don't even know what to say to that. How could he not have noticed? "Duo moved out four days ago."  
  
He didn't even say anything about it. He just looked a little agitated, probably just because he hadn't been completely aware of his environment, but then shrugged it off. "Good riddance."  
  
Duo's departure was starting to make sense.  
  
I was trying to do math homework when Wufei came in a few days later. I wasn't really concentrating on math, though, my thoughts elsewhere. I was thinking of Duo, during the war, of our encounters. I was thinking maybe I had imagined our connection. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part, or a heightened ego. I don't know. And then Wufei had insulted the boy, and I didn't really know what to do about the situation. Really, did he expect me to agree with him when he basically called Duo a fool? So I told him Duos story, the pieces that I had picked up over a year ago. And I could tell, when I was finished, he felt somewhat remorseful over judging Duo. I was glad.  
  
After he left I wondered into the kitchen, intending to get a snack to eat. I caught part of Quatre and Trowa's conversation, standing still as I realized who they were talking about.   
  
"What about his character?"   
  
Quatre fixed me with a strange expression, part condescending, part unbelieving. "He's from L2."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"L2 incubates thieves and whores. If Duo's not one he's the other, and most likely he's both."   
  
That comment sets me off, and I lose what self-control I had. Everything Quatre and Wufei have been saying this last week rushes at me, along with Duo's comment. You guys don't want me here anyway. The next few seconds are a haze to me, but the next thing I know I have Quatre pressed against the wall, blood running down his face. "Duo is not a thief or a whore. Not anymore. And even if he was, he was just doing what he needed to survive. At least he's not a spoiled, selfish brat."  
  
I was furious. Then Trowa rushes at me from the side and I end up on the floor, my right eye screaming in protest as he punches me. I realize, to my dismay, that I'm crying a little. I wipe the tears away, getting up and storming to my room. I'm angry. That's why I'm crying. I'm angry at Quatre, I'm angry at Wufei, and maybe I'm even angry at Trowa. It's their fault that Duo left. It's their fault that Duo left me.  
  
I was sitting on my bed when I realized it. I had been so stupid. Duo had left, and I hadn't even done anything about it. I hadn't tried to get him to stop. I hadn't gone after him. I felt like an idiot. If he didn't want to stay here, there was no reason for me to be here either. With those thoughts I got up and started stuffing things into a duffel bag, intent on catching the next flight to L2. I would go find him.  
  
I wasn't even going to say goodbye to the others. I packed in less than five minutes, heading down the stairs and straight to the front door. My hand had just wrapped around the doorway when some one entered the foyer.  
  
"Heero."  
  
I look back, mildly upset at the interruption. "What?"  
  
"I think we deserve to know where you're going."  
  
I snort at that, but I tell him any way. "I'm going to go talk to Duo."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I want him back." And then I'm pulling open the door, moving forward, and closing it on a confused Trowa Barton. I had no doubt that Trowa knew about my fixation with Duo, he was aware of everything that went on in the house, and he probably knew me the best. We could relate to one another, the supposed perfect soldier and the mercenary. I probably wouldn't have told any of the others.  
  
The shuttle to L2 took five hours. The ride to the garage Duo worked at took another twenty minutes. I stood outside an open door, the smell of auto grease and metal assaulting my nose, loud voices calling out into the air.  
  
"Hey, Jimmy, pass me the monkey wrench."  
  
And then I heard his.   
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	5. Ch.4: Duo

  
  
Mutual Obsession  
Part Four: Duo  
  
I smelled like grease and sweat. It happens, though, when you work in a car garage, and I can't say I dislike it. It was nice, being around these people, people who appreciated me, who liked me. And even though we weren't as close as I thought the other pilots and me could have been, we were close. And it was fun, taking apart and reassembling cars. It was a nice life…I guess.  
  
"Hey, Jimmy, pass me the monkey wrench." Like now, I got to work on this vintage Porsche. They haven't made these since AC 145, and they were rare as hell to see around nowadays, especially on a run down colony like L2. Something slammed into my open palm and I was about to pull away the metal stick, when I realized Jimmy wasn't letting go. I looked up, exasperated, and froze when I saw whose hand was connected to mine. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. "Heero?"  
  
He didn't say anything, just stood there, and I wondered if I was supposed to start the conversation when he had been the one to search for me. And he was just looking at me, with that generic glare he gives every one, blue eyes narrowed in… well, in whatever emotion he was feeling. I looked at him, and every time he had ever told me to shut up, or to be quiet, every time he had dismissed me, every time he pretended like I wasn't even there, it all came back to me, and I remembered why I had left in the first place. I wasn't mad, I wasn't hurt, I was just…tired. I was just tired of everything. I didn't need them treating me like a second-class citizen.   
  
I didn't know why the hell he was here.   
  
I pulled the wrench from his grasp and went back to working on the car. I know I wasn't smiling any more, but suddenly, I just didn't have the energy. And he was just standing there. The wrenched dropped from my hand, falling into the bowels of the car's engine. I clenched my eyes shut, gathering myself, then opened them to look up at him again.  
  
"What." I sounded resigned, I know it, but I just wanted him to leave. "What do you want, Heero."  
  
He flinches, just a little, and I wonder why. "I just… I wanted to talk to you."  
  
"So talk." I leaned against the car, crossing my arms, just waiting for him to say whatever the hell he had to say so I could go on with my life.   
  
"I want you to come back."  
  
I looked at him, and I don't even know what my expression was at the moment, because I didn't feel anything. Not shocked, not happy, not outraged, just…weary. "Sorry, Heero, I'm not cut out for solitary confinement."  
  
And with that statement I made my way into the office. I had paperwork to do; the Porsche could wait until Heero Yuy was gone.  
  
I know what the other pilots had done. They had secluded me from their lives, whether it was intentional or not, and I didn't see a point in living with people who chose to ignore my existence more often than not. I know what I meant to them, that much was almost painfully obvious, and I'd be lying to say it didn't hurt. Because it did, especially when they all got along so well with the others. And for some reason, it hurt just a little more when it was Heero. Maybe it was because I thought we had a tentative friendship, maybe it was because I thought I was helping him when it was obvious I wasn't, I don't know. At any rate, I'm made of stronger stuff than that, and if there were people out there that would rather not be around me, so be it. I don't need them.  
  
No matter how much I want to.  
  
My childhood held fleeting moments of security, few and far between. What I remember the most was hunger, fear, thirst, hate… I think, maybe, I just wanted my own piece of security, maybe with people who might have understood where I was coming from.  
  
And I thought… Heero… I don't know what I thought about Heero. Heero had been the strength during the war, he had been salvation. But to me… he was just another boy. His flaws were as obvious to me as my own, and I thought we might have been similar. He seemed so lost. I thought if I helped him find himself, he would return the favor.   
  
But I'm not sure what I think any more.  
  
I looked at the papers beneath my hand, realizing it that it had been an hour and I hadn't done anything. I had a private office, just a tiny room that could have been the broom closet at one point, but it was mine. And at least there weren't any people around to ask me if I was okay, because I know I didn't really look like I was.   
  
Suddenly, a shuffling sound at the door caught my attention, and I walked around the desk to see what it was. A folded note was being pushed under the door, and I sat against it as I picked the thing up. Opening it, I caught sight of small, precise handwriting. Heero's.  
  
_ Then come live with me._  
  
I laugh, and I realize it comes out like a hiccup. Bitter and unbelieving. I already had a pencil gripped in my hand, and scribbled a note beneath his before sliding it back.  
_  
Why can't you just leave me alone?_  
  
I was fine with leaving them, I was okay with the fact that I would never be a part of their lives. But I didn't need them to come remind me of it out of a sense of obligation or duty. Then the note slid back under the door, and I gripped the thin white sliver in between my fingers.  
_  
I'd miss you._  
  
And there it was. The declaration. I didn't know if it merited laughter, or tears, but I decided it was enough to get me to open the door.  
_  
_ "I thought you didn't like me."  
  
He stood up from where he was almost comically crouched on the floor, staring at me with a confused expression on his face, and I wondered if he realized he had been part of why I had left. "How could I not like you?"  
  
I was so confused. I shook my head, remembering everything that had happened the days before I had left, everything that had ended up pushing me away. I remembered Wufei's open disdain, Trowa's indifference, Quatre's unconscious attitude. And I remembered Heero, happy, looking like he had never been lost before in his life. I came up with my answer for him, a simple statement I wasn't sure if he would understand. "I never made you laugh."  
  
I closed the door on him then, placing a box full of papers behind the door so he couldn't slip any more notes in. I figured he would get the message and just go.  
  
When I came out of my office that night, there was a note tacked to the front of my door. It was a simple message, just one sentence.  
  
I'll be at the house if you ever change your mind.   
  
My mind supplied me with a picture of Heero, walking off and looking for all the world like a dejected puppy.  
  
I really needed to think.   
  
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	6. Ch.5: Trowa

  
  
Mutual Obsession  
Part Five: Trowa  
  
Heero came back alone. He looked older, somehow. I didn't ask him what had happened, and he didn't volunteer the information.   
  
I hadn't expected Duo to come back.  
  
I knew when Duo had left. I think I was the second one to find out, after Heero. I had gone outside after helping Quatre with the groceries, looking for the newspaper, and I saw Duo speeding off on his motorcycle. I knew he was leaving for good- his bag was too full for him not to be. It was too bad, that he felt he didn't want to stay with us, but it was his decision. I hadn't known Duo very well, our few meetings during the war had been brief and not conducive to the beginnings of friendship. Nonetheless, I considered him an ally, at least an equal on the battlefield, and I respected him for it.  
  
Quatre might have missed Duo a little, at first, but forgot about the other boy soon enough. Quatre's kind, friendly, but he also has flaws like any one else, instilled in him from childhood. Wufei never even gave Duo a chance, and I'm sure he feels remorseful for it now. Heero made sure of that.  
  
Heero. I think I understand Heero the most. We shared a certain camaraderie during the war, no doubt born of my admiration of him. So I understood, after Duo left, why he started to withdraw from us. And I understand why he punched Quatre for saying the things he did, though I don't condone the action, and I stepped in before he had a chance to seriously injure the boy. And when I asked him where he was going, after he decided to go search out the missing boy, I already knew the answer.  
  
That doesn't mean I understood Heero's obsession. I don't know if Heero considered Duo a romantic partner. I don't even know if Heero considered him a friend. I don't think he did, or else Duo would never have left. Maybe, if Heero had been raised with a greater affinity for emotions, if he had been raised without the war, he would never have developed his fixation. Maybe he would have realized an attraction for what it was, and acted upon it. But then, if he had done that, he wouldn't be the Heero Yuy we know now.  
  
I don't think Duo knew about Heero's strange fascination with him. I don't know how Duo felt about the media dubbed "perfect soldier". I think Duo might have realized their connection, at least subconsciously, but he wouldn't know what to make of it any more than Heero did. Despite his social inclinations, Duo might have been just as lost as Heero. Emotions, after all, are a luxury when you're just trying to survive each day, and I'm not sure the people who loved him were around long enough for him to truly love them back. At any rate, I didn't expect Duo to come back.  
  
But here he was, standing at our doorstep. I had been the one to open the door.  
  
"Duo."  
  
"Hey, Trowa." He smiles at me, but his eyes are searching over my shoulder. "Is Heero home?"  
  
I move out of the way to let him in, and he reads my silent invitation and steps inside. Wufei's standing in the hallway connected to the foyer, and he steps forward when he sees Duo.  
  
"Maxwell." And then he clasps his hands in front of his chest, bowing a little, before he makes his way out of the room.  
  
Duo turns and looks at me with a confused expression. "What was that all about?"  
  
Not one for explanations, I just shrug. "Heero's upstairs."  
  
"No, I'm right here." We both turn too look at the source of the voice, but he's only staring at Duo. He's standing at the base of the stairs, one hand gripping the rail. It's infinitely awkward in this room right now, and I decide to leave. I retreat to the living room, where there's only silence for a few minutes. But then I realize their voices carry over the vents, when they finally start to speak.  
  
"You said you would miss me, so here I am."  
  
A pause. "Where's your bag?"  
  
"Well…I don't think I'll be staying."  
  
"Oh." And I can see Heero nod in acquiesce. "Then why'd you come back?"  
  
"Honestly? I don't know."  
  
I didn't hear anything for the next few minutes, and I wondered if either one of them knew what to do or say. It must be strange. Up until a few days ago, Duo undoubtedly thought that Heero didn't have the slightest interest in him. And Heero, well, Heero was completely clueless. He had acted on his emotions, even if he couldn't completely understand what they were telling him, and now they had led him into unknown territory. Duo was the one to break the pause.  
  
"If you want, you can come back with me."  
  
"Back to L2?"  
  
"Yeah. I figure we can take it from there." He laughs a little. "We handled the war, we should be able to handle each other, right?"  
  
"I'll go pack."  
  
I hear Heero going back upstairs, and I head back to the foyer. I lean against the doorway until he notices I'm there, and when he turns around I analyze his expressions. He seems so unsure, like he's going through motions he doesn't know the meaning of.  
  
"Ne, Trowa." He looks toward me, expression questioning, and I can't help but think he's asking for some kind of absolution. "You don't hate me, do you?"  
  
I answer him honestly. It's what I do for people I respect. "No. I don't hate you."  
  
He smiles a little bit, understanding, just as Heero comes back down the stairs, a small duffel in his hand. Neither of them is one for possessions. He stops in front of me, nodding. "Tell the others I'm leaving."  
  
And then he's making his way to Duo's side. They look so awkward together… any one who didn't know them would think they didn't belong together.   
  
I walk into the kitchen, vaguely aware of the sound of the front door closing again. Quatre's standing there, behind the counter, a tray full of black lumps in his oven mitted hands.  
  
He smiles at me. "Cookie?"  
  
And I can't help but smile back.  
  
We were strangers when this war started. Each of us had our own story, and they happened to interweave with one another, for at least one brief moment in time. I can't say I'm not grateful for the experience. Now it seems as though our entanglement is over, and none of us quite expected the results. I think, though, that all of us are stronger for it. And as for Duo and Heero, maybe now they'll be able to find whatever it is they've been looking for. Friendship, acceptance, security, salvation… they'll be able to find it together.   
  
Of that, I'm absolutely sure.  
  
~owari~   
  
  
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